Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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