erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
