I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
