I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
