Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
