i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
