I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
