If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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