And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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