how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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