I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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