Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Soap is not a condiment
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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