So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
