I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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