my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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