Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
