i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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