i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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