It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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