Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
