I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
