I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
