I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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