Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
