just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
