Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
