just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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