I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
