is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
