Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
