apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Drunk is a universal language darling
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
