How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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