you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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