you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
