I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
