shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
