i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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