3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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