I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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