my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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