should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
