omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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