he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
