My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
