I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize