took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
