Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
