They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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