Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
