ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize