If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize