meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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