I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
false alarm. still invincible.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
