I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
