I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize