would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Randomize
