Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
