Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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