That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize