We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
