also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
