she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
