ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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