I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
