she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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