I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Little spoons don't ask big questions
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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