I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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