there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
