so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
