I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
