Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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